Mother's Day . . .

Mother's Day is an interesting holiday for me. I know in my head and even in my heart I play the role of a mother figure to Haylee and Autumn (more so to Autumn since she lives with us). But I do not consider myself a "REAL" mom. The girls call me mom (something they have both done since day one, on their own), they treat me like a mom, for the most part, but I know I am not a real mom. I have not given birth to any children, and technically I have not raised any kids either. Being 6 and 7 when I met them, I feel like I am more of a mentor and authority in their lives, than a mom. I feel weird about people wishing me a "Happy Mother's Day" or giving me gifts for the occasion. It is an issue I struggle with as I do desire to be a real mom.

Being a step-mom, while very rewarding, is the most difficult, challenging experience of my life!! It is a weird thing really. I do for the girls exactly what I would if they were my biological kids (with the exception that I am much lighter on discipline as I always fear crossing that invisible step-parent/parent line). And although I work hard for those girls, I will never be "mom" to them. Yes, they will call me mom . . . but I won't be "Mom - who was always there for them, rocked them as a baby, bandaged scrapped knees as a kid, picked out prom dresses as a teen, and made wedding plans with a young woman". I will always have to take a back seat for those things . . . and I have a hard time with that. Sharing kids is a hard thing . . .and I don't suggest it! When Haylee goes back to her mom's there is a quiet whole in the house and in my heart. Lord willing (and trust me I pray about it all day everyday) I will be a real mom and have kiddos all to myself. Not just for the weekend, certain holiday's and special events!

At any rate, I wish all you mom's out there a blessed weekend!!

Serving Him,
Jess